I Am Out of Control

It was a big day for Ellen today! She got her new, short cast put on! I wanted to go with her to her appointment, but I had a therapy session with Frances at that time and neither of the appointment times could be switched. On our way to my therapy, my mom and I talked about my dad. I told her that he needs therapy, that there really is something wrong with him. She blew me off and said something about him being scared, but I quit listening. She didn't understand. So I blamed her for the problem and said that she never does anything to help him. It was hard to tell someone so close to me this, but my dad is frustrating me and something has to change. My mom told me she does the best she can, but somehow I couldn't believe her, and it made me more upset. In therapy today I started EMDR. Frances told me she was going to ask me some questions and I needed to answer with what came to my head first. Then I was told that she would turn the EMDR box on at some point while she asked me these questions. When she turned the buzzers on, I was supposed to think about whatever came to mind, and when she turned them off I was expected to tell her what was going through my mind. Frances told me to think about the night of Wayne's party. My heart started to beat faster and my hands got sweaty just thinking about it. I told her that on a scale of one to ten, where zero was no disturbance and ten was the highest, that I felt like a ten. She asked what negative belief I had about myself and after a few minutes I realized it. I am out of control, I said, and the rest of the session branched off of that.